What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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