she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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