DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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