I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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