honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
