I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
