My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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