? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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