i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
