I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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