I wish my penis had an off switch
Your tits are I can't wait for
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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