It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
