I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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