Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
