I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There r osticjed everywhere
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
