Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
