I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
