If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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