He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
