i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
