Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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