Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
