my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
