we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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