i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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