Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize