Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
