Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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