remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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