There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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