Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
