So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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