Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
