sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize