We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
