I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize