the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
