Porn is love you can see.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
