8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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