What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
