DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
