'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
