I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
