just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
