Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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