She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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