omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
