My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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