Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize