I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
