just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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