My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize