Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
