12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is Oprah even human
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
