Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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