Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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