is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
