HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize