so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
