so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
