At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
