He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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