this beer tastes like vomit already
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
