Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
