My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
