Life is so much better after having sex.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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