If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
