So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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