You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize