Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
