i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
two words...techno handjob
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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