508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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