Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
